laxton's epicure
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 6 January 2024].
something fishy this way comes
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 30 December 2023].
Sometimes, my pet-sitting includes fishies.
david and stevie
Week three of the December project I'm doing with friends, Phil, Christina and Charlotte.
(Taken yesterday, so still within the week, but posted a day late).
No theme, just a photo a week of whatever catches our eye.
stale wolf-fart
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 15 December 2023].
I took this photo of a puffed-out Lycoperdon last month in London Road Cemetery, Bromley.
The origin of the scientific name did give me a giggle.
From Wikipedia: The scientific name has been created with Greek words (lycos meaning wolf and perdon meaning to fart) and based on several European dialects in which the mushroom name sounds like wolf-farts.
I'm not sure this sounds appetising to the vegetarian palate: Most species are edible, ranging from mild to tasting distinctly of shrimp.
The puff holes remind me of cigarette burns.
fly agaric
singapore graveyard flower
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 1 December 2023].
Whilst staying with my uncle and his partner in the southern suburbs of Brisbane, shortly after arriving in Australia in June, I ventured out to purchase various devices I lacked.
I had never needed a UK-to-Australian adaptor outside my Apple travel kit, but I relied on a Windows laptop from my day job on this visit. I also needed a replacement cable for my iPhone to feed into my Apple adaptor as my existing cable was lightning to lightning, not lightning to USB, and the adaptor was many years old.
All that is beside the point, really.
The point is that I walked from my uncle's to one of the three plus shopping centres "nearby" (all were at least a 20-minute walk) to get such items, and I took my camera, foreseeing that I could capture something of the local area.
My uncle was somewhat sceptical of what I might find to photograph along the way. Which was, in fairness, understandable. Except my idea of photogenic is often not the same as others’.
These and other flowers I photographed in parkland near my uncle's home were more traditionally photogenic. But, had I not had my camera with me, I wouldn't have captured them (well, I would have, with my phone, as I did, but not at the same quality).
The odd thing, though, has been coming back to these photos months later, knowing they are frangipanis and having Wikipedia tell me that Australia recognises a different tree as a frangipani.
This genus is the only frangipani I know as someone who grew up in Canberra, Brisbane, Darwin, Melbourne, country Victoria, and later in life lived on the Gold Coast, and I photographed these in a park in Sunnybank Hills, Brisbane.
We had what I believe to be a plumeria obtusa on the nature strip at the front of the house we rented in Darwin. I remember the fragrant flowers and climbing into its branches to lounge whilst listening to Madonna's album, Like a Virgin, playing from the cassette player I'd fed out my bedroom window onto the table on the balcony.
I looked up where our house used to be in Rapid Creek (or Nightcliff, as we knew it to be at the time), and though the house is long gone (I already knew this from previous searches of former homes), I'm pleased to say the frangipani tree was still standing in 2021.
still life with dustpan
Week one of the December project I'm doing with friends, Phil, Christina and Charlotte.
No theme, just a photo a week of whatever catches our eye.
firethorn
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 26 November 2023].
I'm mixing things up a bit with a new Friday* series, fruitful, a series of photographs I've taken of fruit that complement two of my other series: a floral tribute and the fungus among us.
These berries are on the Pyracantha plant, commonly known as firethorn, and I photographed them overhanging the back fence of a home that backed onto Pondwicks Meadow in Amersham Old Town.
According to Wikipedia, the English have used firethorn to cover unsightly walls since the late 18th century.
Its thorns also make it an attractive and organic form of home security.
*I try to share photos from these series on Fridays, but sometimes they're belated. But I usually share them on social media the following Friday as part of #FloralFriday or #FungiFriday. This new series will fit the #FruityFriday theme.
granny-pop-out-of-bed
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 17 November 2023].
This post isn't the first time I've shared a photograph of hedge bindweed for my series, a floral tribute. And I'm sure this won't be the last.
Despite being considered a noxious weed in the US and being able to overwhelm and pull down cultivated plants, including shrubs and small trees, and potentially toxic to humans and animals, I think the flowers are beautiful. I tend to photograph them in most places I find them.
In particular, because they're often found in the least beautiful places: by railway lines where people have tossed their trash, growing by or over derelict structures, in the overgrown perimeters of parks and other tended spaces (often alongside brambles and, in this case, stinging nettles).
Reading more about them, they seem like something out of a horror film: they can self-seed, and their seeds can remain viable for as long as 30 years. And whole plants can regrow from discarded roots. Apply those concepts to "dead" humans, and you have the storyline of many of my favourite horror films and novels.
darwin’s barberry
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 16 October 2023].
I took this photograph of Berberis darwinii a few streets from where I sit my "regulars" on my birthday this year.
This plant is a perfect example of my argument that "weeds are just plants in the wrong place".
From Wikipedia: It is a popular garden and hedging shrub in the British Isles. The Royal Horticultural Society has given the species its Award of Garden Merit.
and
Berberis darwinii is regarded as an invasive plant pest in New Zealand that escaped from gardens into indigenous plant communities via its bird-dispersed seeds. It is considered a serious threat to indigenous ecosystems throughout New Zealand and is listed on the National Pest Plant Accord.
sundae fraise
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 6 October 2023].
Some Hydrangea paniculata I came across while wandering through Bounds Green in August.
I believe these particular ones are Sundae Fraise.
untitled #9 [bromley, london, united kingdom, 2023]
thinking of home
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 15 July 2023].
I took these photos of Sabine's azaleas during my last cat-sitting for her before I went to Australia.
The blooms were beautiful and eye-catching.
According to Wikipedia: Azaleas and rhododendrons were once so infamous for their toxicity that to receive a bouquet of their flowers in a black vase was a well-known death threat.
But they were apparently immortalised by Tang dynasty Chinese poet Du Fu in the last two stanzas of his poem, Alone, looking for blossoms along the river:
The sorrow of riverside blossoms inexplicable,
And nowhere to complain — I've gone half crazy.
I look up our southern neighbor. But my friend in wine
Gone ten days drinking. I find only an empty bed.
A thick frenzy of blossoms shrouding the riverside,
I stroll, listing dangerously, in full fear of spring.
Poems, wine — even this profusely driven, I endure.
Arrangements for this old, white-haired man can wait.
A deep river, two or three houses in bamboo quiet,
And such goings on: red blossoms glaring with white!
Among spring's vociferous glories, I too have my place:
With a lovely wine, bidding life's affairs bon voyage.
Looking east to Shao, its smoke filled with blossoms,
I admire that stately Po-hua wineshop even more.
To empty golden wine cups, calling such beautiful
Dancing girls to embroidered mats — who could bear it?
East of the river, before Abbot Huang's grave,
Spring is a frail splendor among gentle breezes.
In this crush of peach blossoms opening ownerless,
Shall I treasure light reds, or treasure them dark?
At Madame Huang's house, blossoms fill the paths:
Thousands, tens of thousands haul the branches down.
And butterflies linger playfully — an unbroken
Dance floating to songs orioles sing at their ease.
I don't so love blossoms I want to die. I'm afraid,
Once they are gone, of old age still more impetuous.
And they scatter gladly, by the branchful. Let's talk
Things over, little buds — open delicately, sparingly.
In Chinese culture, it's apparently known as the "thinking of home bush", thus my title for this post.
Sabine's home has become something of a second home for me over the past year and a half, and spending time with her kittehs most months last year and many months this year so far has impacted my mental health positively.
Not to mention the enjoyment I get from the evenings spent in conversation with her the nights before she goes away. And the delicious and varied salads she usually makes us.
the hardest button to button
Whilst I was visiting Dad last month, we tried to sort through Mum's belongings to work out what to keep, what family or friends might want, what to give to charity, and what to throw out.
We didn't get to her sewing room at all, but we did at least go through her wardrobe, jewellery, bathroom items and some odds and sods. In short, the items in Dad's bedroom.
Before this visit, I probably wouldn't have even vaguely entertained trying on her clothing as we were vastly different in size, shape, and style for most of our lives.
This visit, I'd put on weight, so I wasn't quite so dismissive. Though I knew our sense of style was quite different, and there would likely be few, if any, items I would retain.
I wasn't wrong.
In the end, all I brought back to London was a white shawl (I don't know if it was handmade or bought. It doesn't have a label, but that doesn't prove one way or another), a cream and a royal blue scarf (both bought). And her wedding dress which was tailor-made for her, my Dad thinks, in Sydney.
I spent AU$50 on dry cleaning her wedding dress in Ulverstone before I left as it had rust-coloured mould marks on it from being stored in their walk-in robe in a corner with poor air circulation.
Despite not being kept in any protective plastic covering, it had endured well and came up beautifully from the dry cleaning.
Although unfortunately, at some point, over the years, Mum had unpicked all six of the Marabou trims that encircled the bottom of the dress.
Dad remembers seeing her doing this but doesn't recall what she gave as the reason. We don't know if they may be stowed in her glory box in the built-in robe in their front room (the room Mum used as a sewing room, where my piano also lives) or if she threw them out at some point. Hopefully, next time I visit, I can investigate that.
I remember Mum asking me, around age 18, to try her wedding dress on. She had been 24 when she and Dad married in 1970. The dress fit my 52 kg body perfectly. Except that my bosom was too small, so the bust was loose.
I remember at the time being astonished that my Mum had once been my size as most of my life that I recalled she had struggled with her weight, and in terms of body shape, we were different.
However, when I tried the dress on again at 21, it fit me perfectly.
Now, not so much.
But I love the dress, and even if I never fit into it again and never get married, I would like to keep it. (If I'm honest, marriage hasn't been high on my list of life goals). Maybe, at some point, it will be handed down to someone in our family to use again.
Meanwhile, there was no urgency to go through the things in her sewing room, so we focussed more on working through her clothes and personal effects in their bedroom. We knew others could reuse many of the items in there. And Dad's bedroom needed a thorough clean-out (which he and Cheryl did after I left).
I did try on a few things out of curiosity.
Mum had worked out her style quite early on in life. Though her dress size and shape may have changed over the years, especially as she put on weight, she knew that store-bought clothing was never as suitable for her as homemade.
She made my and my brothers' bathers when we were young.
She made my first collection of knickers with cute elastic and patterned stretch-cotton material. I'm sure my brothers' knickers were also of her making.
She made us vests (singlets for those of you in Australia), the odd t-shirt, many dresses for me, and trousers. I'm sure Mum made many of my brothers' shorts.
She was also a keen knitter and made me various vests (sleeveless jumpers) and jumpers over the years.
Looking at what we took from her wardrobe, she'd probably narrowed the patterns for her clothing down to about 5-6 styles of tops/shirts. And one set of more formal clothes, comprising a suit jacket, trousers (dressed up or down, depending upon the material) and a skirt (also mostly one style, with material variations). She knew what suited her shape and size and worked with it.
She taught me from a young age to shop with the thought of how an item would work with what I already owned. If I were buying a top, trousers or skirt, how many items of clothing already in my wardrobe would it work with?
She wasn't a big dress-wearer as they didn't suit her shape.
But as a dress-wearer, that translated into ensuring my jumpers, tights, shoes, etc., would match any new dresses I bought.
She also taught me when contemplating buying clothing, "If in doubt, don't," e.g., if trying on an item of clothing and I'm unsure, don't buy it. It will just sit in my wardrobe, ignored.
I may have applied this test to other elements of my life over the years (specifically, relationships).
But, pulling out all her clothing, checking it for marks and cleanliness before donation, and reviewing anything that I might try on, over and over, it was evident to me how talented a seamstress she was.
Very little of the clothing we took out of the wardrobe had been made by someone else. All were well-made, well-kept and, in some cases, quite elaborate in their design, including a series of shirts made with fabric button-loops, as shown in this image.
Many would have avoided this type of work, but Mum had numerous tops with this buttonhole style and was quite confident in executing this sort of work.
She also chose some beautiful materials and colours for her clothes.
Dad split her clothing between a few charity shop chains in Ulverstone. (He was aware they often refuse to sell clothing to people in the same town where donated. Thus the decision to ensure they were a chain). I hope other women get a lot of wear from her clothes.
She made them with love and a passion for dressmaking. One she tried to instil in me but for which I had far less talent.
she ain’t heavy, she’s my mother
The one thing no one tells you is how much human ashes weigh.
The first night I was with Dad in Ulverstone, we were seated at the dining table after dinner. I don't remember if we were talking about Mum at the time or something completely unrelated, but seemingly out of the blue, Dad said something like, "I have something new to show you, but it's maybe not the right time."
I didn't know what he might mean, so I responded that now I was worried.
He said it was on the piano, it was Mum's ashes, and he wandered off to get them.
At the time, even if we'd been talking about Mum, it felt a little out of left field, and I'd not been thinking about such things, so it was a bit of a shock to my system.
He returned with a navy blue presentation box. Inside was a plastic container like those you'd use for protein powder. There's no better way to describe it.
There was also a plaque that might have been suitable to affix to a cremation plot in a cemetery, but it was light. And, for some reason, Hyde was engraved with a lowercase 'h'. (I can't help it, I always spot those details).
None of these things mattered because we knew we would scatter her ashes. So, the only thing that mattered was having her ashes.
Not the receptacle that contained them or the never-to-be-used plaque.
Dad handed me the box. The first thing that hit me was how heavy she was.
That immediately brought home how real this was.
The soul may weigh only 21 grams*, but the ashes of human remains are much heavier than I would ever have imagined.
The realisation made me quite emotional, and I admit, I was a little in shock. The wine we had with dinner and the ciders I'd had probably didn't help.
I sat at the table with Dad and Mum and let the emotion wash over me. The idea sink in. I handled the container, felt its weight in my hands and made some flippant joke that no one would ever have thought Mum would fit in a box that small.
Later in the week, before my brothers arrived, I made time to play the piano for Mum one last time.
It was terrible. I hadn't played since October 2019, and though I thought I played surprisingly well then after an excessively long break, I was seriously struggling to identify the right notes this time. What had previously come back to me, like riding a bike, felt almost alien.
I think that was the first time I appreciated how much I had previously learned. Like learning a foreign language and then realising how hard it must have been to pick up when you lose the words through lack of practice.
I would go through moments when everything flowed through my fingers, and then a bar or two would completely throw me off. I swore. A lot.
But I wanted to play to Mum that last time because she played a large part in my learning piano in the first place and would often ask me to play while she prepared dinner or did some other chore around the house all through my time growing up and when I lived with my parents on and off as an adult. She didn't mind what I played. She just loved to listen to me play.
Before I played to her, my curiosity was too much. So, while alone, I took Dad's kitchen scale to the dining table. I placed Mum's ashes on it and took this photo. I presumed the container probably weighed less than a kilogram, so her ashes weighed about 2kg.
I contemplated keeping some of her ashes. I thought about bringing them back to London with me.
Some companies claim to be able to make diamonds from human ashes and/or hair. That appealed to me as diamonds are my birthstone.
But in the end, the sceptic in me researched such claims and couldn't verify them, and the process would have been hugely expensive, so I decided I would rather all of her be scattered together.
love letters
When we were kids growing up in Brisbane, my parents, brothers, and I used to record audio letters to our grandparents who lived in Canberra every so often.
I remember the four or five of us sat around the dining table in our house in Aspley. Passing a microphone around that was plugged into a radio/cassette player to record updates on our lives.
When I stayed with my grandparents in Perth in 1998 for my cousin Rhys' wedding, my Granddad put his headphones on me to play me part of a cassette. I heard myself talking to him and my Grandma at around six years old.
It was surreal.
The disconnect to how I sounded then, but knowing it was me, blew my mind.
When my grandparents passed away, I asked Mum to ensure she salvaged the cassettes. And she did.
But only one of the four cassette cases I found in my parents' house had a cassette inside.
They may still be there, but Dad and I didn't have a chance to properly go through Mum's sewing room, where I found them.
Pete took the empties and the one cassette home to digitise it for us. His bands still distribute their music on cassette.
While visiting my family in Perth this visit, Rhys told me they did the same growing up in Calgary, and he'd asked for those to be kept, too. I would love to hear them someday if I could.
Hearing yourself on tape as a child when you're an adult is a form of time travel.
hypoxylon
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 31 May 2023].
Some hypoxylon I stumbled across in Brockley and Ladywell Cemeteries a few weeks ago.
armenian grape hyacinths
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 25 March 2023].
The last of the (live) flowers I photographed in St Kilda General Cemetery during a visit in September 2007.
Muscari armeniacum or Armenian grape hyacinths.
agrostemma
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 11 March 2023].
Sorry once again for the radio silence.
As I mentioned in my post of images from Bosham back on 10 February, I had some worrying news about my Mum.
At 19:20 GMT on 28 February, I found out my Mum passed away 10 minutes earlier (though, technically, she passed away at 06:10 on 1 March 2023 AEST. Time differences are weird when dealing with someone's time of death).
So, as you might expect, I've needed some time to process that.
As I do in these situations, I've been writing.
It took time, and there were many tears along the way.
I'm currently editing photographs of Mum and photos taken by Mum to go with the piece.
I'll share it here and on my blog as soon as it's ready. Hopefully, tomorrow but definitely in the coming days.
In the meantime, here are some Agrostemma (common corncockles) I photographed in the gardens at Helmingham Hall on the last road trip I took with Mum and Dad in 2017.
Hold your loved ones tightly.
passiflora caerulea
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 28 February 2023].
I knew the floral name passiflora through a Flickr friend's username over a decade ago but had never seen one or really even knew what they were.
But then, on a photo walk late last year with Sarah, another Flickr friend I met around the same time as I met Mary Elise, we noticed some Passiflora caerulea overhanging a fence facing onto a park that is literally around the corner from the first two flats I lived in when I moved back to London in 2011.
They are beautiful, intricate and eye-catching flowers.
I was pleased to capture a couple of photos of them that day, though the daylight was starting to fade as we passed through Nightingale Gardens.