[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 8 April 2024].
A couple of flowering Camellia japonica trees brighten up the churchyard of St Peter's Church in Delamere.
Life and death side by side.
she hath done what she could
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 6 March 2024].<
Often, when I'm perusing my catalogue of unedited photos to share, one will pop out at me, and I just know it's right to share at this moment in time.
It may not always be the most eye-catching or aesthetically pleasing photograph.
But it captures where my mind or heart is right now.
Or it depicts a place, an object, a plant, etc., that - when I research it further - is relevant to something in my life at that moment and clicks.
This photograph I took in Cornubia Lutheran Cemetery, also known as Carbrook Lutheran Cemetery, did that for me today.
coaxing life from death
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 26 February 2024].
a year later... or thereabouts.
So, it's been a year since Mum passed. Well, kind of.
I mean, she died at 06:10 on 1 March 2023 AEDT, but for me, that means her time of death was actually 19:10 GMT on 28 February 2023.
So, for me, that should mean the anniversary of her passing was on 28 February 2024.
Except that this year is a leap year, so 06:10 AEDT on 1 March 2024 was 19:10 GMT on 29 February 2024.
Confused yet?
If I base the anniversary on the date she passed away in Australia (as that's where she was), then I'm posting this late. But it's still only 1 March 2024 here in London, so I guess I get longer to mark the anniversary.
Has anyone noticed I possess a certain sentimentality and a penchant for marking such important dates at precisely the right moment?
Though I didn't have a chance to post about it at either of the potentially recognised moments, it's been on my mind for some time, particularly during the evening on 28 February when it felt like I should acknowledge the passing of a year since her death.
Dad and I acknowledged the anniversary within the hour of her passing on 1 March 2024, his time, in our family WhatsApp chat.
Yesterday afternoon, a little before and a little after my day's sitting with Francois ended, and before I left for my first sitting of the year with my regulars, I edited these two photos to share with this post acknowledging the anniversary.
Although I don't think she had any particular preference for daffodils (I don't remember them appearing often within bouquets she bought or received), her death will now be inextricably linked to them in my mind because of her passing on St David's Day and, in particular, because of her Welsh ancestry.
So, I was already thinking ahead to today when I photographed these two specimens in Frank's backyard the last weekend I sat him in mid-February. Knowing there would be photographs of daffodils as part of my tribute to her this year, as I have access to very few photos of her, and most I've already shared. While thinking ahead to the date and time conundrum as the impact of this leap year had already occurred to me by then.
One thing I didn't get to do while I was visiting Dad was to pore over their photo albums. Two weeks isn't a long time when you're working part-time, sorting through your deceased mother's personal effects and catching up with family you haven't seen in person in about three years.
I didn't know how I would feel one year on. If I'm honest, I still don't.
I mean, there's definitely been a sea of emotions surging around me for the past week or so.
I initially hoped to write my thoughts on the "exact" anniversary (for me). But practical matters had to be dealt with. So, instead, I sort of softly welled up thinking about it without having the time or capacity to put the feelings into words. But knowing I would when I could.
I know it's cliched to say it feels like less than a year, but in the same breath, to say it feels more than a year. But it does.
It's been less than a year since we said goodbye as a family and scattered her ashes.
It's been more than a year since she and I last spoke. Or rather, I spoke to her, as she didn't have many words left by then.
So, the passing of time since her passing has been warped and bent. Though that's not uncommon. I know others feel similarly about the passing of their loved ones, even without the added confusion of leap years interfering with their marking of time.
I wrote a lot about her last year. And I don't doubt I will write more in time. I took photos while visiting my family in Australia that triggered memories, anecdotes, and so forth that I hope to capture in words. Some I'll capture for myself. Others I'll share.
In the meantime, as Spring drags its feet returning to England, the daffodils rush in and bloom on the verges and traffic islands, in suburban gardens, central London parks, cemeteries, the local supermarket, the vase in the entry to our building placed there by my Welsh neighbour who lives downstairs. And in my mind.
For Mum. In her memory.
west lane baptist church
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 24 February 2024].
strapped in
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 23 February 2024].
so he brought them to the haven where they would be
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 16 February 2024].
hands clasped
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 9 February 2024].
hedd, perffaith hedd
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 29 January 2024].
mary the beloved
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 21 January 2024].
Hello, my lovelies.
It's been a while since I wrote you a rambling, diary-like post and for that, I'm sorry. (Though you may not be ;) )
Things have been busy with me, so many times I have time to edit a photo or four, but it's been a while since I've been able to sit down and write creatively or even just to write to give you an update.
The obvious exception is my end-of-year post. And, looking back, it seems it's been about a month since I wrote something more than a cursory caption about what I'm sharing.
I've been at home more the past few months. Post-summer, pet sittings dropped off, which was welcome. As much as I love all the kittehs and doggos I sit, it was nice to be more settled for a time.
While the homes I sit pets in are always like a home away from home (and the pet parents always make me feel welcome in their homes), I still live out of a suitcase, and I don't always have access to my raw photographs for editing and/or an acceptable screen to edit photos on.
I finally had some paid annual leave in November. I intended it to be a staycation*, but I put the word out to a couple of photographer friends and some family, and suddenly, I had three photo walks in my lap, two nights away, and a day trip out of town. My plans for cleaning, decluttering and downsizing went out the window quite quickly. I'm not unhappy about that, but it means those tasks are still on my to-do list as I write this.
Since then, my day-job brain has been addled and exhausted by piecing together functionality created long before I joined the organisation and trying to mesh that with new functionality to ensure what our web agency has created is fit for purpose. It's a challenge (which I usually love) but has often left me feeling like I've pulled that loose thread on an item of clothing, and I wish I hadn't.
The new year has started on a positive note.
There was a day trip to meet a friend in Milton Keynes. A weekend in Bishop's Stortford, reuniting with a former landlady and her family and meeting two sweet doggos I'll sit in summer - a Maltipoo called Dudley and a Cockapoo called Betsy. And (what is now) yesterday, meeting a sweet but flatulent, snorting French bulldog called Francois (naturally), who lives locally and whom I'll be sitting semi-regularly over the coming months.
I'm somewhat wary of speaking out loud about my travel plans for the first quarter of the year, given my previous travel plans fell through for reasons beyond my control.
But I've booked (free(!) first-class return) tickets using the vouchers reissued last January (and a bonus one that snuck into my inbox!), and my manager has signed off my annual leave.
I still need to book my accommodation, which I'm a bit nervous my bank balance will struggle with, but I plan to visit Llandudno in Wales for a week in early to mid-March. Manchester for a long weekend in late March. And Glasgow for four days in early April.
I booked my tickets at the eleventh hour before my vouchers expired. I could only book as far ahead as early April, so it's all a bit hectic over the next few months between my travels, work and pet-sitting, which will start to pick up again from next weekend.
I'm looking forward to returning to north Wales, a bit further along the Avanti West Coast network than Wrexham, where I travelled to and on to Minera in late October 2021 to sit Meg and Mog for Jo and Becky in the old vicarage. I'm hoping to see more of Wales generally in future, especially returning to the south where Mum's family came from and where I haven't visited since Christmas 1991.
It will be my first visit to Edinburgh's "lesser" sister, Glasgow, but I'm looking forward to the Necropolis and exploring the city and its museums, galleries and botanical gardens.
It will be a return to Manchester, where I've visited at least three times. It seemed a sufficiently substantial distance to justify a first-class ticket but a short enough journey for a long weekend (and, as I've been there before if I have to sacrifice one of the trips due to my finances not covering accommodation, I can live with that).
I thought about visiting Liverpool, which I think I've only driven through. But nothing drew me to Tate Liverpool during the dates I was looking at, and I hoped to catch up with a friend while in Manchester (though we'll see if that will still come to pass).
So, with Wales on my mind and recent fruit and flower photographs captured in Jo and Becky's backyard in their current home in Cotton End, I thought I'd share some more photos from St Mary's Church in Minera in October 2021. I have so many I still need to edit and share, including some more puffball photos to come in a few weeks.
The light after the rain was just delicious and so wonderful for me to experience and capture the graves in the churchyard.
It was a magical Monday morning. If only all my Monday mornings started with such beautiful, inspiring, contemplative and creative visions and experiences. Followed by exploring a new place (or even a familiar place is welcome), some exercise in the fresh air (a mixture of strenuous and gentle), a refreshing pint of cider in a welcoming pub at the end of a productive day, cheese, and cuddles with a kitteh or a doggo.
I'd almost** become a morning person for that shit ;)
So, that's where I'm up to as we close in on the end of January (seriously?! Already?!)
What are you guys looking forward to this year? I'd love you to tell me in the comments x
* My definition of a staycation is a holiday when you stay at home, doing things locally and maybe doing some DIY or just hanging out and reading books. But it's become recognised as holidaying in your home country instead of abroad.
** I'm not fooling anyone, am I? But I'd probably get my butt out of bed earlier more regularly. Probably.
** I'm not fooling anyone, am I? But I'd probably get my butt out of bed earlier more regularly. Probably.
untitled #186
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 14 January 2024].
disappearing further into obscurity
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 7 January 2024].
disappearing into obscurity
loss, family, friends, photo walks, cats and dogs
It seems odd to say 2023 was one of the better years for me recently, despite Mum passing on 1 March.
Realistically, I’d probably started mourning her loss in March 2018, when I believed that would be the last time I’d see her in person. It was a mixed blessing to have one more opportunity in October 2019. But I knew when I left Tasmania at the end of that visit that would be the last time.
By the time she passed, we hadn’t even been able to have Skype calls for about a year and a half. And our calls hadn’t involved actual conversation for a long time before that.
So, her passing was more of a continuation and perhaps the closing chapter of my mourning.
Don’t get me wrong: I still semi-regularly well up and have a good cry while thinking about her. But it’s not been as intense as it would have been without her prolonged descent into dementia and multiple false alarms to prepare me for the final eventuality.
We said our farewells, and Mum set off on her final journey on 18 June 2023, when Dad, Robert, Peter and I could finally be in one place.
An old friend, Dee, messaged me soon after to tell me the ocean currents may have taken her to New Zealand.
It was the first chance we had to be in one place as a family to say goodbye to Mum, but it was probably also the first time the four of us had been together since early 2007.
With family, loss and the passing of time on my mind, I predominantly spent my month in Australia catching up with family, especially those I hadn’t seen in far too long.
My uncle, John, is one member of my extended family I’ve managed to see on all of my visits since leaving Australia in January 2011. But I enjoyed spending another few days of quality time with him, talking about family and family history, debating politics and catching up with his partner, Verna. And I managed to set him up on WhatsApp so I can call him regularly at no cost.
My Mum’s side of the family has been harder to catch up with over the years, mainly due to geography. For most of my childhood and teens, they lived in Calgary. And when they returned to Australia, they settled in Perth.
I met Rhys (pictured at left, taking the group selfie) when I was about 11, but I didn’t meet my other cousin, his twin, David (centre back), until Rhys’ wedding about ten years later, in 1998.
I’m ashamed to say that was the last time I’d seen Rhys and my uncle, Graham, until this year. Although, I stayed with my aunt, Patricia, in 2002, when I returned to Australia after my first stint of living in the UK and caught up with David then. Christopher (back right) wasn’t yet born.
So, it was lovely to spend a couple of days getting to know Rhys better while he played tour guide, to spend a few days with his family, and to spend an evening with Mum’s family.
I would have liked to have spent more time with them, but I had so much to cram into just a month. Hopefully, I’ll be able to spend more time next time.
And I caught up with Rhys, his wife, Jenny, and their daughter, Georgia, for an evening when they were in London a few months later.
In addition to spending time with family, I was pleased to catch up with my first-ever best friend, Narelle, for the first time in around 39 years. And to spend time with Lisa and Sarah.
It was a pleasure, as always, to spend time talking and dining with Victoria while I was in Tasmania, including a rain-sodden wander on West Ulverstone Beach.
We wandered around the Tasmanian Arboretum with Cheryl after scattering Mum’s ashes; just what I needed.
I did spy a platypus and took some photos, but they may need quite a lot of enlargement to confirm that!
I took many photos of Perth in the glorious weather as Rhys played tour guide.
Here’s one of a frilled neck lizard sculpture in the Mindeerup section of south Perth, part of Karl Kep Ngoornd-iny (Fire and Water Dreaming) by Yondee Shane Hansen.
In addition to my family, who offered up beds and couches to me during my stay, I want to thank everyone who could make the time to catch up during my (relatively) short time in Melbourne.
It was lovely to catch up with Jess, Preethi and Feih for drinks one night. Ian, David, Pete and Corey the next night. Brunch with Richard and his daughter, Sienna, dinners with David and Anthony, and a pint and chips with Jason.
(I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone!)
Special thanks to Amy and Chris for shuttling me and Richard to Springvale Botanical Cemetery to visit Anthony Horan’s grave and to Richard for the engaging natter on the train (and apologies for getting us on the wrong train!)
Usually, my visits to cemeteries are for purely photographic purposes. But this year, I found myself in cemeteries to visit friends.
That’s how I came to be in Brookwood Cemetery, the largest cemetery in the UK. It used to have its own dedicated railway, including first-class carriages for the dead, running direct from the London Necropolis Railway Station in Waterloo.
The same station still serves it. But now it’s just the living commuting by train from the main Waterloo Station.
(I knew about the cemetery and the railway well before my visit because of Catharine Arnold’s book, Necropolis: London and its Dead, which I read many years ago. I’ll return for a more leisurely photo walk in future).
I did, of course, also visit cemeteries for purely photographic purposes.
In chronological order, I wandered the following cemeteries:
Plaistow Cemetery in Bromley (on my birthday)
Brockley Cemetery (part of Brockley and Ladywell Cemeteries)
Ladywell Cemetery (part of Brockley and Ladywell Cemeteries)
London Road Cemetery in Bromley
Paines Lane Cemetery in Pinner
Pinner New Cemetery (probably the worst maintained cemetery I’ve come across, and I include those maintained within the concept of ‘managed neglect’ in that comparison)
And Hither Green Cemetery, which I’ll have to revisit in 2024, as I arrived about 15 minutes before they closed for the day.
All this talk of death and loss may have you concerned. Never fear: there’s life in the old girl yet.
I didn’t travel as far afield as I’d hoped this year, but I did spend a day wandering Birmingham, its canals, and marvelling at the city’s Spaghetti Junction with fellow photographer Phil Ivens one Sunday.
I spent a lovely weekend with my distant cousins in Uxbridge, including a day in Henley-on-Thames.
And Hambleden.
Once again, it was lovely to spend time with family members I don’t see often enough (though there’s less excuse with these guys as, apart from Malcolm, we live in the same city, albeit on almost opposite sides!)
And in November, Scott joined me for the next stretch from Palmers Green to Enfield.
And, on Boxing Day, I took what I thought was a scenic shortcut through Grove Park Nature Reserve, aiming for Hither Green Cemetery, only to find the footbridge as part of the Railway Children Walk was closed for maintenance.
And now, the part of my annual wrap-up you’ve all been waiting for (drum roll).
Here’s the roll call of the new kittehs (and doggos!) I sat this year.
I sat 17 cats, 11 of which were new clients (though two were new kittehs for existing human clients).
I sat three doggos, all new clients and all lovely beasties. Unfortunately, Dougal (pictured above) has now crossed the Rainbow Bridge, passing around the day I left for Australia.
I sat ten fish, four of which were new clients. Six have now gone to fish heaven (only one on my watch, purloined from its pond by a cat or a fox).
Jilly arrived in Bounds Green as Lottie’s successor.
Oscar joined my three regulars in Bromley.
Frank, who loves to cuddle (which is a good thing, as he’s so smooshable!)
Pebbles, an old soul.
Treacle, who is as sweet as…
Milo loves a good game of tug-o-war.
Mango can be entertained on a shoestring (literally) and loves a lap.
I visited her four times over three days in the summer. She knew exactly when I was about to leave and when to curl up cutely on my lap.
Bobby with his “come hither and rub my belly” gaze.
Cino, Bobby’s less aloof brother.
These two were hilarious to listen to when they chatted while they played with their toys.
Bobby and Cino had some fishy friends (two of the three pictured).
George, a cheeky tabby who lives next door to my regulars.
And Lottie, George’s housemate.
I visited these two thrice daily one weekend while sitting my regulars.
And my newest and youngest clients, at 14 weeks, David.
And Stevie.
I slept in someone else’s bed for 160 nights this year (no, not like that).
Between pet-sitting, a weekend visit with my cousins, and my visit to Australia, I was away from home almost 44% of this year!
I loved it, but I will admit I missed my bed, iMac and my own room (though not the scaffolding surrounding our flat for about six months).
The coming year looks quite busy already, but it will be interesting to see whether it will be more or less busy than this year. I already have four new doggo and two new kitteh clients scheduled over the summer.
Before I wish you all a happy new year and the best of everything for 2024, I want to thank all my friends and family who have been there for me during 2023 when I really needed it (and, in many cases, every year before that).
I hope I have been and/or will be there for you when you need it.
Love to you all for 2024 xx
peace wreath
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 10 December 2023].
all that glitters is not gold
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 1 December 2023].
a bird in the hand
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 21 November 2023].
i only want to be with you
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 13 November 2023].
also perpetuating
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 7 November 2023].
happy birthday, anthony
This year's visit to Australia was predominantly about family and officially saying goodbye to Mum.
But alongside that and reuniting with some wonderful friends, I also had the chance to (officially) say goodbye to one of my oldest friends, Anthony Horan.
My thanks go out to Anthony's brother, Chris, and mutual longtime friends, Amy and Richard, for accompanying me and making the visit possible.
It was lovely to finally meet Chris and reunite with Amy and Richard after so long.
It was a sombre visit. Rain threatened. There was much mud on the 'lawn'.
But there was also cheeky humour amongst us, in keeping with the sort of comments and jokes Anthony would have made if he'd been able to reply to us as we stood by the grave his ashes share with his father's remains.
When I visited, there was a temporary marker for Anthony and his dad. I'm sure when I visit next it will look different (if it doesn't already).
I've been catching up on sharing iPhone photos from my trip on Instagram, and this morning, I reached my photos from that day. I thought I would share them on the second anniversary of his passing in January, oblivious to the date.
But, when I remembered later in the day it was his birthday in Australia, it was obvious today was the day to share.
It's currently his birthday in Melbourne and London.
So, the penguins and I are raising a toast to an old friend.
Love and miss you, Anthony. Always. xx