[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 4 May 2024].
let me hold your heart like a flower
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 17 April 2024].
i fall in love too easily
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 17 April 2024].
To celebrate my birthday, I thought I'd look through my archives of unedited self-portraits to find something from ten years ago that I may like to edit and share here and on social media.
In doing so, I found quite a number from a shoot I did in my bedroom in June 2014 that caught my eye after all this time.
I had previously edited a handful of photographs from the shoot, but ten years later, I'm drawn to other images.
As I don't share NSFW content at my lowest tier and can't share NSFW images on most social platforms, I decided to edit a photograph I could share publicly and one I could share early access here to those at 'the perfect 10' tier and above.
I also edited another NSFW image from this shoot that I'll share here in future.
It's been a while since I added work to my interior/exterior series (coming up to three years), but I feel this fits into that series.
Although I won't make this public here as I do with much of my work, I'll potentially share it on my blog and Flickr in a week. But, in the meantime, you get the first look.
I'll share the "safe for work" image with you and across social media later today.
pause for thought
I thought I'd look through my archives of unedited self-portraits to find something from ten years ago that I may like to edit and share to celebrate my birthday.
In doing so, I found quite a number from a shoot I did in my bedroom in June 2014 that caught my eye after all this time.
I had previously edited a handful of photographs from the shoot, but ten years later, I'm drawn to other images.
As I don't share NSFW content at my lowest tier and can't share NSFW images on most social platforms, I decided to edit a photograph I could share publicly and one I could share early access to my patrons at 'the perfect 10' tier and above.
It's been a while since I added work to my interior/exterior series (coming up to three years), but I feel the image I shared on my Patreon in the wee hours of the morning, i fall in love too easily, fits into that series.
Maybe this one does, too.
I edited another NSFW image from this shoot that I'll share with my patrons at 'the perfect 10' tier and above in future.
I also shared a new self-portrait from my wallflowers series, let me hold your heart like a flower, with my patrons early access this morning. That will become public in a month.
all that glitters is not gold
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 1 December 2023].
basic (baby, you can drive my car)
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 4 November 2022].
entrapment
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 27 August 2022].
it's got pockets!
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 24 August 2022].
As promised, this is the second image from a new series inspired during my recent gig cat-sitting Meg and Mog, titled plush.
The cats' mothers' new home features some vivid interior design colour choices. Colour choices they would not have made. But that they have inherited from the previous owners.
Jo and Becky are far less enamoured with these colour choices than I am.
While there, I struggled with going out and about much due to my health issues and the heatwave. So I spent quite a lot of time, when not working, hanging out in the lounge room with Meg and binge-watching the most recent season of The Handmaid's Tale ahead of the new season airing next month.
After my visit to Minera last October to cat-sit Meg and Mog while they house-hunted, Jo had sent me a link to the advertisement for their new home. When she contacted me to ask if I could cat-sit their two cuties again, I dug out the link and almost immediately asked about the decor. Had they torn out those carpets and removed the wallpaper?
Jo assured me everything was as it had been in the advertisement apart from (obviously) replacing the furniture with their own. I might have squee'd.
When I arrived, the carpet in the lounge was everything I had hoped for. However, I hadn't registered the purple carpeting in one of the bedrooms (the one I stayed in) and the blood-red carpet in the playroom (formerly the dining room) from the photos. Jo pointed out, quite rightly, that the red carpet would have helped mask red wine stains.
I enjoyed and shared the colour coordination of my tights and the carpet in my temporary bedroom before venturing out, trepidatiously, on a photo walk on my first full day there.
But, between work, the heat and my anxiety toward venturing out, I wasn't as attentive as I usually would be in thinking about potential photographic projects in the space during the first few days.
Fast forward to late afternoon Wednesday, and I found myself planning a series of self-portraits inspired by - of all things - the carpet.
I didn't have specific images planned out, but I knew the clothing I had with me and the three carpets I wanted to use as 'backdrops'. Anyone who knows me knows I love colour coordination, so that was in the forefront of my mind.
So I took an extended break from work late afternoon on Thursday to roll around on the floor during the heat and play with some ideas, moods and colour combinations.
So far, the other two images from the series are more related to how I've been feeling recently and thus more emotional. But this image is more playful.
As any woman who owns a dress with pockets knows, whenever someone compliments you on the dress, it's obligatory to announce, "It's got pockets!" And to proudly place your hands in the pockets to demonstrate how awesome it is to have those pockets.
Though my pose may not come across as enthusiastically as I would show you in real life, I am no less pleased with these pockets years after I bought the dress.
But, more importantly, this series is a celebration of carpets. Perhaps the series title should be plush: an ode to wall-to-wall carpeting*.
As a child growing up in the late 70s and 80s, carpets in the home were the norm. The thicker, the better.
I had lived in carpeted properties until about 2014. I even lived in a flat with a carpeted bathroom in 2000 (I don't recommend going that far!)
But since then, I have lived in homes sadly bereft of carpet.
I miss the softness of the carpet underfoot. I dislike the amount of noise I make walking on bare floorboards or laminate floors if I have shoes on. I wear my slipper socks to cushion my feet after a long day of walking, even in the summertime, because I don't have carpet to do that.
I spend much more time brushing dust and hair off my feet before putting my tights on while living in an uncarpeted home.
I remember the excitement of walking barefoot on Jo and Becky's carpet in Minera when I arrived. It was like coming home.
I rue bare floorboards coming back into fashion and landlords deciding laminate flooring is cheaper and easier to maintain. And I'm not ashamed to say so.
So, this will potentially become another ongoing series of self-portraits captured while cat-sitting, like wallflowers.
Let's see how the images pile up.
*I can't resist pointing out that this would also make a perfect title for a series of photographs of people sporting their natural pubic hair. A sight that is probably as rare as carpeted homes these days ;)
N.B. Don't worry about the bruising. That appeared to be from the careless carrying of my laptop bag during the journey to Cotton End. It was no worse and possibly less angry-looking than the bruising I acquired from recent blood tests. I decided not to edit it out. It was too large and had purple tones to match the carpet. Colour coordination :)
inner turmoil
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 21 August 2022].
This photograph is the first from a new series, plush, I started while cat-sitting in Cotton End a couple of weeks ago.
I'll share more about the series - its inspiration, my intentions, etc. - with the second image, which I'll share midweek.
That one's a little more lighthearted.
self-portrait* in blue
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 7 August 2022].
I had two other prompts already written down to try with Midjourney AI before deciding it would be remiss not to try something (in theory) more personal.
I was curious how much - if at all - the AI was trawling the internet for references.
I'd seen people entering 'in the style of [artist name]', and I'd obviously used 'art deco' in my previous prompt.
So, my mischievous side came out and for my third and final prompt before my trial ran out, I entered 'bronwen hyde, self-portrait, blue'.
The initial four options and the second four options Midjourney gave me can be seen in the second image.
I wavered a little between the image I chose and the top right and bottom left options in the first four. The second set of four didn't appeal to me as much stylistically.
In the end, as I had only a few variations and upscale "turns" left, I worked just with the top left image from the first four options. This was my final result before my trial ended.
Clearly, it's not me, but I feel like some options remind me of Cindy Sherman and maybe Sigourney Weaver. So it is interesting to think about how Midjourney learns and what it picks up as sources.
I'll probably sign up for a subscription for a month to play with the tool more and see whether it's something I find helpful as a part of my art practice.
But either way, it was an engaging and intriguing way to spend a couple of hours on a Friday evening.
let's take this offline
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 3 July 2022].
Meeting people online is always interesting.
It can be the best place to meet people and, simultaneously, the worst. And, sometimes, it's just average.
I met some of my closest and most valued friends through social media before it was called that. Some of my lovers who have since become good friends I also met that way.
I've always seen it as an equally valid way of meeting people, like dancing with and talking to someone at a club or a bar. Meeting them at a gig or meeting them through a friend. Just that you can have a more involved conversation without shouting into each other's ears…
Dating apps are no different, though the intent is generally more overt.
I mean, I always went into meeting anyone from Friendster or Myspace with the view of meeting them as friends. Even if it ended up that we became more than that.
If you go into meeting people through dating apps with that same thinking, I think you're seen as disingenuous.
I'd rarely claim I was "in a relationship" with someone I met in a club less than two months after we met but starting from friendship seems "the wrong way of using a dating app" to some.
There are potentially many "wrong ways" to use a dating app. Finding clients. Finding Instagram followers. But, to be honest, even none of those are "wrong", in my view.
The only thing "wrong" is being dishonest with yourself and others about why you're using the app.
I currently have multiple professional and personal interactions with people I've met through dating apps across the spectrum of "why".
I know why I'm on those apps, but I'm open to why others are and don't impose my reasons on them. I just choose which connections I make.
And, worst-case scenario: I make some new friends along the way to finding a life partner, or I spend time (virtually or in-person) with someone that might not be a good match.
Do I honestly think I'll find a life partner on a dating app?
I'm sure I'll tell you if I do.
The self-portrait accompanying this post is a newly-edited outtake from day 104 of my 365 days project completed in 2007/08, addiction.
my bewildered mind
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 9 May 2022].
built on air and ghosts
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 12 January 2022].
gracefully insane
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 1 January 2022].
someone to pour myself into
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 30 November 2021].
in the room we will find each other
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 30 November 2021].
a good mixture of nothing and everything is eating up my head alive
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 29 November 2021].
a collection of dismantled almosts
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 24 November 2021].
a spineless woman in a cage of bones
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 23 November 2021].
The first image from a new series of self-portraits I started creating in September.
The series is titled wallflowers.
child psychology
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 29 October 2021].