043 padlock

March 14, 2021

Day forty-three of The 100 Day Project for 2021.

Today was calmer and mostly a day of rest for me. A flat, meh kinda day, mostly. But I'll take that rather than turmoil and upset.

I managed to get my sketch done earlier tonight and was doing it in less of a frantic rush.

I managed to thin out the main section of the padlock. And I think I transformed the writing on the front of the padlock to a more direct-facing angle than the original image.

The chain links are also not really uniform in shape and size, but you can see what I'm aiming at, at least.

I drew this with a 4H pencil. Then went over most of the padlock and added some shading with an HB pencil. I left the text on the padlock at 4H but went over them a little heavier.

042 the arch

March 14, 2021

Day forty-two of The 100 Day Project for 2021.

Frankly, yesterday felt shite.

Today is not feeling much better so far because I'm still awake from yesterday.

What I'd do right now for just one week without some drama, some stress, some misunderstanding, and just an "easy ride". One week in which I felt like the cake in my hands won't explode in my face at any minute.

Yesterday I chose to sketch Henry Moore's The Arch from a photo I took on a walk with my friend, Phil, in 2018. Just because it seemed straightforward-ish, and it was. Thankfully.

Apart from knowing it stands in Kensington Gardens because I photographed it there in 2018, I didn't really know much about it until I Googled it just now.

As often happens for me, the choice was at least somewhat synchronistic.

Moore commented:

One of the things I would like to think my sculpture has is a force, is a strength, is a life, a vitality from inside it, so that you have the sense that the form is pressing from inside trying to burst or trying to give off the strength from inside itself...

This quote fits how I think about myself and many other artists I know. A force. A strength. A vitality coming from inside and pressing, fit to burst.

So when that vitality and strength feels like it's being held down, there's a struggle. There's a disconnect. I do not feel myself.

I've had to compartmentalise so much of myself over the decades. Through work, relationships, family, friends, social media. That I now actively rebel against that and struggle with being asked to do it, even if I understand the reasons and, ultimately, respect requests to do so.

Henry Moore goes on to say:

This is, perhaps, what makes me interested in bones as much as in flesh because the bone is the inner structure of all living form.

This compartmentalisation feels like chipping away at bones. Breaking and weakening my foundations. Foundations that take time to repair. To strengthen. So I will resist. Even if, ultimately, I break.

I sketched the sculpture in 4H then went over the outline with an HB pencil.

untitled #17 [tower bridge, city of london, london, england, united kingdom, 1992]

love letters to london: love at first sight

February 5, 2021

^{[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 29 January 2021].}

“London is a bad habit one hates to lose.”
An anonymous saying, as quoted by William Sansom in Blue Skies, Brown Studies (1961)

I first visited London as 1991 became 1992. My family took a "'round the world" trip through Europe, the UK and the US, with time spent in London and towns in Wales during the UK leg.

untitled #14 [houses of parliament, westminster, london, england, united kingdom, 1992]

As a child and teenager growing up in Australia in the late 70s to the early 90s, my humour and cultural tastes were heavily shaped by British television, especially British comedy. From the various series created by The Two Ronnies to The Young Ones. From The Goodies to Yes Minister and Rumpole of the Bailey. Monty Python, Blackadder, Absolutely Fabulous, Robin's Nest and Are You Being Served? I could go on, but I won't. I'm sure you get the picture.

untitled #20 [albert memorial, kensington gardens, kensington, london, england, united kingdom, 1992]

But my music and some of my television tastes were more focussed on America. At the time, I was a subscriber to Bop and The Big Bopper: magazines focussed on teen stars of US television and film, many of whom were named Corey. (Though I'm sure that had nothing to do with my first serious boyfriend being called Corey...) I was 13, going on 14. You have to forgive me the foibles of youth.

I'd been a fan of Bon Jovi, Poison and other American hair bands along with the 'teen dreams' of New Kids on the Block for a long time. Around the time of our trip, with the influence from my older brother, Rob, I'd started to get into the Violent Femmes, but more importantly, UK bands like The Cure and The Jesus and Mary Chain.

I had inspiring experiences in the US and in Europe while on our family trip. New Orleans, San Francisco and Los Angeles stand out in the US. And pretty much everything in Europe we saw was inspiring. But I was surprised that I found myself turning away from a (by then) more US-centric focus to a UK-centric one by the time I returned to Australia.

the old curiosity shop [holborn, london, england, united kingdom, 1992]

Over the following years, my music tastes continued to span the UK/US borders. But I found myself more and more drawn toward the UK with the advent of Britpop.

By the time I finished my Diploma of Illustrative Photography in 1997, I knew I wanted to live in the UK for a time and have the opportunity to travel within Europe. What can I say? I guess I'm a product of my parents with their itchy feet for travel and their own overseas lives in their younger days.

By 1998 I had realised the benefits of my family history. I had started saving to move to the UK in 1999. My Grandpa on my Dad's side was born in Stoke Newington in London, so I could live in the UK on an Ancestry visa with fewer restrictions than many of my friends.

horse guard [10 downing street, whitehall, london, england, united kingdom, 1992]

About that time, I ended up becoming entwined in a relationship. Thankfully, my then-partner was a fellow Anglophile (though I'm not sure I'd describe myself that way now). And he was also eligible for an Ancestry visa through his grandmother born in Wolverhampton. Consequently, we bought one-way tickets to London in May 1999 and arrived on 1 December the same year.

We were not at all unique in our intentions in those days. Australians in their early 20s were flocking to the UK in droves in the late 90s. While the 'working holiday visa' was reasonably restrictive, it served its purpose for adventurous Aussies (and Kiwis and South Africans) that longed to experience the other hemisphere up close.

elizabeth tower [houses of parliament, westminster, london, england, united kingdom, 1992]

For (what we originally believed to be) financial reasons, we initially settled outside London, in Bracknell. We then 'graduated' to Reading, where we met many friends I still hold dear now. Eventually, with the impetus of one of my then partner's friends and myself, we moved to London.

When we were eventually looking to move to London, those I worked with suggested we move to suburbs full to bursting with other Australians. Areas like Earl's Court. I couldn't think of anything worse. Though I continued to live with fellow Aussies (through my relationship and friendships), I didn't come to another country to spend all my time with my fellow countrymen! What was the point of coming all this way, if not to meet and mingle with locals?!

untitled #48 [ferndale road, clapham north, london, england, united kingdom, 2001]

Despite my concerns, we did end up in an area that was apparently heavily populated by Aussies. We lived near Clapham North Station, on a road that ran between Clapham High Street and Brixton Hill. I didn't realise at that time, but the area was apparently full of Aussies. Maybe it was camouflaged by the pizza place across the road that we sunk our (small) fortune into being run by a lovely gay French couple. Or maybe it was hidden by the friendly Urdu-speaking family running the off-license we lived above. I don't know. But it never ever felt like an Aussie enclave.

While I loved so much of my time in London during that period, I worked long hours in an office in Canal Reach, near Camden Town. Initially clearing a backlog of invoices, and then eventually, with my manager's permission, scanning my own photos and uploading them to my fledgeling website outside of hours. At that point, we didn't have a computer or the internet at home.

untitled #46 [clapham north, london, england, united kingdom, 2001]

When I was at home in the evenings and on the weekends, my time was mostly spent in relaxation. At home, in pubs or clubs, attending raves or travelling. Enjoying the company of my friends and housemates and the interiors of local boozers. And trying (unsuccessfully) to pretend the Champions League and EUFA Cup wasn't a thing.

near by lie the remains [bunhill fields, st luke’s, london, england, united kingdom, 2001]

I took surprisingly few photos of London during my time living here in 2001-2002. Most photos were taken in Bunhill Fields Cemetery, or in and from our flat in Clapham North. The majority were taken during travels with my parents during their 2001 visit. And during trips to Europe with David and our friends.

sweets & tobacco [clapham north, london, england, united kingdom, 2001]

But I developed a love for the city that didn't die when I decided I was ready to go "home". I remember looking at flight prices in November 2001 for a trip home for my birthday in April 2002 and suddenly, out of curiosity, looking at one-way flight prices. That night I went home and asked David if he was ready to go "home". He said he was and we booked our flights without telling our employers.

What I didn't know then was that about three months after my return to Australia, I would realise I had just needed a break. That a month away with family and friends in Australia, and maybe reconsidering my relationship, and finding a new job on my return, was what I really needed.

Within those three months, I knew Melbourne wasn't home. I should have stayed in London. But it took me about nine years to get back here.

john bunyan’s grave [bunhill fields, st luke’s, london, england, united kingdom, 2001]

I've been back in London for over ten years now, and I don't see myself leaving anytime soon. I've visited Australia twice in the past three years and both times been reminded that I love the people - my friends, my family - and aspects of the country. But it's not my home anymore.

London is my home.

untitled #35 [bunhill fields, st luke’s, london, england, united kingdom, 2001]

From foreign correspondent, a piece I wrote while living in Melbourne in 2006:

some days my heart is in london though, or somewhere not here.

i dream of returning to londinium. two year and some months spent in the kingdom; less than half of that lived in the grand city, but daily commute from reading to camden for months before i moved. its grey, wintry, polluted streets are like a lover you know is no good for you, but you want to be held by nevertheless. it's a city to love/hate and not be able to differentiate the taste of either. moreso, i have unfinished business with her; a wish to return on my own terms with a confidence i had not before.

promise made to self that my return would be on the understanding of permanence, not fleeting. and for now, that is a commitment i am unable and unready to make. for now i love being in my rainy city, and the freedoms that affords me, that the lady would deny: such as a dwelling larger than a box of cardboard, with no need of company.

i visited blake; or rather the stone that marks an empty grave. i found him at the tate and felt myself overwhelmed by such a fantastic volume of work. dante's inferno in illustration, amongst other works.

kinfolk bred me with feet hungry for the touch of new lands. eyes wide at the unknown, thirsting for new targets for my memory-catcher.

for now i enjoy being in the present, potentially visiting the isle of the dead in summer and satisfying my taste for one destination...

P.S. I apologise for the quality of the photos in this post. I don't currently have a scanner, and I don't have a proper set-up for rephotographing prints. Previously scanned versions I have are too small to share here. Over the past 6-12 months, I've been reminded that purchasing a scanner should be one of my Patreon goals. So I can share more of my older work with you and also for creating digital collages.

P.P.S. Some images in this post have been published before on previous iterations of my website. But many of them haven't been seen except in photo albums and piles of photographs by close friends many years ago.