So, a mere ten days ago, I wrote about feeling like my heart had been torn out of my chest. It turns out he didn't get it all the first time, and today I learned that the hard way.
Yesterday was hard. I was tender and tired and anxious but simultaneously hopeful and cautiously optimistic.
Clearly, I had no idea what today would bring.
I thought the worst would be less time between drinks. I didn't know last drinks had already been called while I was away powdering my nose.
And today, all the fight has gone out of me.
I didn't get to post a photograph from my travels before I had to take some time out last night, so I'm sharing these 35mm film photos of Tacheles in Berlin that I took in 2000 tonight.
Memories from 20 years ago that might have been revisited with another. But apparently, that's not to be.
Tacheles, as it was in 2000, feels like such an appropriate metaphor for how I feel right now: half-demolished, half-derelict, yet full of art and creativity, and somehow still standing despite everything. Somehow. It also had a beer garden.
I scanned these today from glossy black and white prints with the Photomyne app on my iPhone. For me, it's no substitute for scanning negatives with a proper flatbed scanner. While it may be worthwhile for some, I think I'll save my money to put toward an actual negative and photo scanner so I can share my older work with you from time to time.
Also, after a long week or so of sunshine and warm weather, today is closing with rain as it was ten days ago. I believe a thunderstorm is coming our way.
The rain and The Cure are intermingling to alternately calm me and punctuate my sorrow.