Day seventy-five of The 100 Day Project for 2021.
So, yesterday I made a new friend, and I found out I lost an old friend.
However, those things don't equate.
One was a cute little baby snail (pictured and sketched) the other was a school friend from my latter years of high school.
My school friend and I weren't super close. We'd become friends on Facebook many years ago after losing touch when high school ended in 1994 but we only actually DM'd once.
He messaged me in November 2019. It was not long after I'd returned to London, while I was still hobbling about after a car accident in Tasmania.
I can't recall if I'd been open online about how I was struggling with the perfect shitstorm life was at that point. But somewhere in there, he must have picked up on it.
He messaged me privately with a really supportive message, sharing his own similar but different experience, which, to be frank, made my experience pale in comparison.
I wasn't in the best place when I received it. I read it and keenly appreciated it. But I wanted to properly reply. Not just a quickfire response. So it took me a month to do so.
Unfortunately, that was the only exchange we had in many years. Because Nigel was one of the good guys.
Amongst other things, he was one of my fellow students who made me feel welcome when I was, once again, 'the new kid'. Even though I was a seasoned professional by that point. This being my fifth new school when many only have to deal with two, and their 'new kid' experiences are collective ones when they happen.
From what I know, I completely understand why, but it's still heartbreaking. I wish I'd known what was going on. I could have returned the favour in sending a message or ten of hope.
I know it probably wouldn't have changed anything because those who did know - I'm sure - did all they could to support him. But I would have been more than happy to return the favour tenfold that he did me with that one message when life just felt overwhelming.
For completeness, though it feels weird writing this after what I've shared above, yesterday's sketch was initially drawn with a 4H pencil. Then variously overdrawn with a 2B, an HB, H and the 4H pencil more heavily.
If you need to hear this right now: you are loved.