I'm not going to lie: today was hard.
The sketch was frustrating and difficult though I feel it's an improvement on yesterday's attempt despite a lot of erasure to get there.
I'm not really talking about that, though.
I got some good news about some low-paid contract work late in the day that felt like a small wave of relief. But getting out of bed felt even more difficult than usual today with all the ifs, buts, maybes and what-ifs circling around my head.
To add to my concerns about income, I've also been grappling with some housing stuff. It's now looming large on the horizon.
In reality, I know it's manageable. I know (or at least hope I know) that I have a reasonable landlord and we'll work this stuff out. He's been sound so far, and I'll have lived here for five years in May. I recognise I'm in a far better position than many in London, the UK and worldwide right now. This isn't a pity party. I'm just being honest.
Simon and I have talked about finding a place together for a while and had my redundancy and the pandemic not happened, we most likely already would have.
But it just feels, at the moment, like very little is in my control around a possible move. And home moves are stressful enough, even when you're enthusiastic and positive about it. Which I usually am. By the time I'm looking at new homes I'm so ready. This time I feel less so because stuff.
But I dragged myself out of bed to get my sketch for the day done before the window light disappeared. A call from Simon delayed me, though welcome.
Not too long after importing photos that I took of today's sketch, I got a more positive call. Since then, I've been dealing with "admin" which delayed me sharing this until the final hours of the day.
Though my drawing practice today felt frustrating, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't almost just stop. Looking back at the result now, hours later, it's definitely better than yesterday's attempt despite having to do a lot of erasing to get there.
It's far from perfect, but it's better. I am learning.
And funnily enough, I thought this subject would be easier to render. Because it was more graphic. Wow was I wrong...
So, for now, I'll take a break from this subject, but I suspect I'll attempt to render it again before the project is over. And maybe tomorrow I'll seek out something more organic or more simple to draw.
And maybe tomorrow everything will feel easier...
We'll see.